Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Letters to God~ Finding Time

Dear God,

I don't really know where to begin this letter. I talk to you quite a bit throughout the day anyway or do I? I thought I did but in reflecting on my day today I realize that you barely even got a "good morning" from me much less any inclusion into the events of my day. Everyday, including the weekends, seem to start off harried. It doesn't even matter how early I get up, as I am seldom, if ever, on time. My mornings consist of feeding kids, cats and a dog, trying to match socks, find homework, check the weather and trying very hard to stay on task. As you know, I am easily distracted by a hair ball in the hallway or the toaster that was left out from morning breakfast. I keep finding myself distracted by everything. The only thing I am not distracted by is preparing for my day. My son has absolutely no interest in school. As a child with Autism school is extremely difficult for him and he shares this with me in his morning greeting. "Good Morning Matthew!" I say. "I hate school" he groans. Deep breathe on my part, moving on to my daughter. Fortunately for me she has a better outlook on school but still wants Mommy's help with what to eat, what to wear and everything in between. Do you find us comical in the mornings Lord as we stumble on top of each other racing to the bus stop? I am sure when you greet me in the mornings I am barely aware. I take notice of little except the ticking clock.

The duties of my day job, juggling doctor's appoinments for my son, housecleaning, homework, dinner, grocery shopping, taking out the trash, feeding the cats and a dog again, working on the non profit I just started, trying to get the kids in bed at a decent time only to fall into bed exhausted myself, it is a never ending cycle. As I take two seconds to look at my schedule I notice that I have not dedicated time for us. Actually, I am amazed I find any time with you at all. A quick prayer under my breathe does not constitute a full fledged relationship. As a matter of fact, I had no idea that from a relationship perspective, ours would be labeled "its complicated" on Facebook!

As our world is right now, everything moves at such a fast pace. From fast food to instant everything, life is hurry, hurry, hurry. A relationship can be fast but those types are usually quite shallow, only on the surface. It takes time to get to know someone. I realize that you know me better than anyone. You knew me before I was born and you have been with me every step of my life. It is my yearning to know you that brings me to this first letter. I want to know who you are. I want to know your character, what makes you smile. I want to sit at your feet as Mary did and listen to your heart. I want a Mary heart in a Martha world. Time to take this relationship to the next level. Time to commit to spending time together. I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination, however I will make our date for before sunrise. I believe it is the only time I can get right now to call ours. I will ask you though, if you would, prepare the way for me to have some quiet time? Help me to alleviate the unneccessary clutter from life so that I not only can spend quality time with you but also with my children. Help me to say no when neccessary and to use the time I am given each day wisely. Help me to stay focused and on task and help me to know you.
"If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so that I may know you"
Exodus 33:13

I may be a little slow in the morning but I will be there...

Your Daughter

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