Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Leap of Faith
When do you know that it is time to make a change? I'm not talking about swapping out a toothbrush, buying country instead of classical or dying your hair red. I'm talking about a significant change, one that will affect the way you do life, the way you make decisions and ultimately, your retirement. How long do you wipe your child's tears as they once again cry in pain inflicted by unkind looks and words that are daily thrust upon them in the classroom, the hallways, the lunch room and the playground. When do you take a stand and say "No More!" For me, like most single moms in America, wearing multiple hats is not unusual. There is the mom hat, the sister hat, the daughter hat, the employee hat, the advocate hat, well, you get the picture. Working as a full time employee for the State of Virginia and being a full time mom to an eight year old daughter (trying very hard to be 18) and to an eleven year old creative and quirky son who just happens to have Autism, is enough to keep me busy way more than the meager 24 hours alotted in one day. Trying to maintain structure and balance by someone like me who is so ADHD that it's just ridiculous, is virtually impossible. Add to the regular day to day challenges of life the battle you must wage constantly to protect and/or advocate for your child, I am surprised that there are not more runaway parents. Wearing all these hats also includes my favorite (not) the hat of provider, better known as the one who buys the groceries, pays the light bill, the mortgage, the car payment, insurance, extra curricular activities, school fees, water bill, trash pick up, vet bill, co-pays and parking tickets (stupid 10 minute parking at a downtown bank, seriously!)
Sometimes I find that hats become old and frayed. Sometimes hats can be repaired and sometimes they just need to be discarded. The problem is which one do you discard? After eight years of advocating, wiping tears, searching for the right "fit" in a school, I finally realized that my family and I could not do life like this any longer. We are all tired of doctor's, psychologist's, psychiatrist's, therapist's, teacher's and every other well meaning bystander in the line at Target who has witnessed yet another meltdown, offering their words of wisdom and making matters worse. We are tired of medications that cause headaches and grouchiness, we are tired of teachers giving up and peers calling out names like stupid and loser as we pass them on our nightly neighborhood walk. My son does not have the skills YET to be able to successfully deal with the negative blows he is dealt daily. He certainly is not going to gain any social skills in the public school system. If anything he is getting an excellent education in how to lose your self esteem in just one day. As the wearer of multiple hats it occurred to me that the one I would least expect to "discard" is actually the one that really needed to go. Maybe not go, but definately change!
In February 2011 I thought I would get an early start searching for a summer camp for my son to attend. Much to my dismay I did not find anything in my town. I mean nothing. Yes, there are camps but they are all for either "neuro-typical" children or children with many different types of special needs. There was nothing specifically for children with a primary diagnosis of Autism, Asperger's or other related developmental delays. I started searching some of the caregiver sites looking for a nanny or someone who had experience with Autism. I typed in the word "Autism" and hit search. Wow! There was message after message from desperate parents seeking a "friend or anyone to spend time with" their child. "We will pay top dollar for a friend to take our son to the movies or just hang out." I was heartbroken. It was then that I asked God for a way to be able to help not only my son but others going through the same thing. It was then that it was placed on my heart to start a summer camp for children with Autism to be just what they were meant to be, children.
In August 2011 after thinking, talking, researching, seeking and thinking some more, Richmond Autism Integration Network (R.A.I.N.) was born and the journey began. Over the last year I have talked with and written to countless parents all sharing the common bond of a child with Autism. Everyday a new idea, new comment, new insight and new friend came to be. I have been so excited to be on this journey and I have learned so much from my son. I started looking at him for who he is not who I wished he would be. I have watched him grow with me, both of us learning about each other, both of us striving to be the best person we can be. School has been a disaster. I think his teachers gave up on him before Christmas. As his mom, I will never give up on him. I will do whatever it takes.
With this said, I made the bold move on Friday to withdraw him from school. When I observed several teachers standing over him in the hallway, throwing paper towels at him and kicking a trash can at him as he was on his hands and knees sobbing, trying to clean up the Coke he had spilled and NO ONE helped him. That was it. That's what it took and I am ashamed of myself, in a way, that I did not know it was that bad at school. He tried to tell me but he could not find the words. So, not only have I been wearing the employee, advocate, started a non-profit hat, but I also felt the need to add one more, the home school educator hat.
I don't know if I would call it a "leap of faith" or pure insanity, but on Monday I resigned from my full time, salaried, state job, with benefits. I guess deep down I have known that it was time to make a change, I was just a little afraid (oh ye of little faith!)The way of life that I have always known changed in an instant. The look on my son's face Friday said it all. So, the plan is to continue to grow R.A.I.N. and to home school. I was blessed recently with a part time on call position for a local home health agency and actually have been approached by two parents in the last two days who have asked if I will home school their sons too. I don't know what God has in store but when I asked him last February to make a way for me to be a stay at home mom by June 2012, he did exactly that and then some. Doors are opening and my son is smiling again. I will miss the veterans I work with tremendously but I know I did the right thing. So, I did not discard the provider hat I just changed it a little. This is definately a new path and this chapter of my life will close fully on June 29th. I can't wait to turn the page and start "doing" life in a whole new way!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Reflections of My Father
Sunday, March 4, 2012
"It's Not Over Until It Is Over"
This is a true story. It did indeed happen exactly as written. It is our story and I hope that it will inspire you, lift you up, encourage you and give you hope that no matter where you are in your life, you are not doing it alone...Trust Him!
Part 1 Randy
On the evening of May 26th of this year (2007) I had lost my way. It took 40 years to get to that point but I was at my lowest. I was doubting my worth to my family and friends and really felt they all would be better off without me. What brought me to that point was a lifetime of unresolved issues that had never been dealt with. There was sexual and emotional abuse, abandonment issues and from my earliest memories of childhood I realized that I was different from all the other kids I knew. It wasn’t until late last year that I was found to have Aspberger’s Syndrome. That explained a lot about my behavior but it hit me harder than I expected.
There were a lot of details over the past years that led me to the point I reached on May 26th. Some of them no one should ever have to experience. So I had decided to end my life on that day.
I did not grow up in church and it wasn’t until I met my wife 8 years ago that I really found the Lord, but on May 26th I forgot all about Him. That was until I was ready to take my life. That evening I kissed my wife and kids goodnight then went upstairs and asked God to forgive me for what I was about to do. I then ingested enough ant-freeze to kill myself. On May 27th I had died - twice.
Part 2 Robin
It was Sunday morning, May 27, 2007, about 10 AM. My husband had been violently ill during the night. The last time we spoke was around 3 AM. He said he thought he had the flu. I was fixing breakfast for our children. Our six-year-old son was on the computer. Our three-year-old daughter came from upstairs. She came into the kitchen with concern in her voice. Daddy was sick. I asked her where he was when I heard a thud come from upstairs. Running up the stairs, calling his name as I went, I came to an abrupt halt at our son’s bedroom door. My husband lay sprawled on the floor. He was trying to get up but his body was not cooperating. I kept calling his name as I tried to help him. The look in his eyes told me all I needed to know. Pupils, fixed and dilated, unable to speak, only groan, I knew it was bad. I called 911. It seemed like an eternity. The paramedics arrived. I heard “possible stroke.” I thought to myself, “okay, stroke I can deal with.” I work in a skilled nursing facility and stroke patients were familiar to me. They rushed Randy into an ambulance and sped to Johnston-Willis Hospital. I started calling family and friends to see if someone could watch the children. Everyone was in church, which is where we would have been that Sunday morning. I finally found some close friends who came immediately to pick up the children. I called my mother in law in San Antonio, Texas. “Mom, Randy is on his way to the hospital, they think it might be a stroke.” I told her I would call her from the hospital when I knew more. Still in a state of shock, I headed to Johnston-Willis and I prayed.
Upon my arrival at the hospital, I was escorted into the E.R. by a very kind and understanding nurse. The paramedics were finishing up and standing near Randy’s E.R. room. I could tell by the look on their faces that all was not well. Randy’s room looked like it had been ransacked. Unfamiliar equipment and “tools” were everywhere. The E.R. doctor introduced himself and asked me if Randy drank alcohol. “No” was my reply. He did not drink at all to my knowledge. About this time they were returning Randy from having a CAT scan. I did not recognize this man as my husband. He was pale and lifeless with I.V.’s and tubes and even worse, he was on a ventilator. I knew that being on a ventilator was an indication that he was in critical condition. The E.R. doctor then advised me that Randy had “died” on his way into the hospital and that they had resuscitated him, but it did not look good. I called my mother in law in Texas and I told her “you need to come. I don’t think that the doctor’s think he is going to make it. He is on a ventilator” She was on a plane from San Antonio within the hour. I called our son, Bryan, in Virginia Beach and asked him to come as well. He and his girlfriend Amber packed a few things and headed to Richmond.
Between my phone calls to family members and friends, the nurses and doctors continued to work on Randy, doing every test imaginable. They were kind and comforting, keeping me posted on every move. The E.R. doctor had sent off blood work to MCV earlier in the day and expected the results by 3:00 pm. At exactly 3:02 the activity picked up and machines were rolling into his room. Medical staff surrounded him. Tubes and lines were being placed in his neck. The doctor noticed me standing there and walked over to me. “I am so sorry Mrs. Davis, it is as we suspected. Your husband has tested positive for ethylene glycol poisoning.” “What” I thought. What is that? I do not understand. He explained that Randy had ingested a very large dose of ethylene glycol and that more than likely he would not survive. I went into the room with Randy. I heard that small inner voice say go over and pray in his ear. I listened and I prayed. Then, I cried.
My son and Amber arrived first. The news devastated him. Minutes later his long time friend, Kenny arrived. By now the Nephrologist (Kidney Doctor) was on the scene and not very hopeful. He also was kind but guarded about Randy’s condition. “If he survives, he will probably be on dialysis the rest of his life but his prognosis is not good and his condition, critical.” Randy had been moved to the Atrium ICU. Bryan, Amber, Kenny and I waited.
My son was finally allowed to go see his Dad. I warned him about how Randy would look but you can never really be prepared for something like that. I have never seen Bryan so devastated. It broke my heart to see him in such pain. His emotions were overwhelming. He sobbed, hit the wall and then bent over his Dad and really fussed at him! Randy jumped, the ventilator made a sound I will never forget, and Bryan and I left the room.
Mom arrived next, late in the evening. She had landed in Baltimore Maryland, arriving from San Antonio, and drove the rest of the way. I warned her about Randy’s appearance as well. She made it to the doorway of his room and covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh” was all she could say. Tears rolled silently down her cheeks. My heart broke again.
That night we all slept in the waiting room. Bryan, Amber, Kenny, Mom and me. We talked, we prayed, we consoled each other, we cried. We tried to understand…
Monday-Memorial Day
Randy made it through the night. He was in a coma, on life support and hemodialysis. Mom and I ran home to freshen up, feed the cats and make some calls. I e-mailed Tammy Burns (from Woolridge Church) and let her know what was going on. (The day before the E.R. nurse suggested we call our Pastor. I couldn’t remember the name of our church or even where it was!) Within no time Tammy called. She was so terrific. She offered support and asked if I would like a Stephens Minister. I told her yes, absolutely. Within minutes after my conversation with Tammy, John Williams was calling and getting things in order. Mom and I arrived at Johnston-Willis. She went in to see Randy. I went to the waiting room. Not long after I arrived, Pastor Greg walked into the Atrium waiting room. Kathy, his wife, was in the ICU with mom. Wow, I could not have been more comforted. Pastor Greg and Kathy, Tammy Burns, John Williams, Lynn Marx (my Stephens Minister) and many people I do not even know offered support and prayer that day that has never stopped.
Later that day Bryan and I went to see Randy in the ICU. Iwas so proud of my son as he leaned over his Dad and whispered in his ear "I forgive you Dad." We had talked about this earlier and we knew that we had to forgive him and that if nothing else, Randy knew this. We believed he could hear us...
Tuesday
My father in-law had arrived late Monday. We all took turns going in to see Randy. We all continued to pray and seek God. We found out that day that Randy had suffered a major heart attack.
There was no understanding of why this had happened, but this was about to change. As I sat in the waiting room of the Atrium I heard “Do notbe afraid” in my spirit. It was so loud that I looked around to see if anyone else heard it. It was then that I realized that God had shared with me about four years ago that something was coming. I had been having an intense conversation with Him as I was painting my sisters house. I was asking him about the trivial trials of life that I was experiencing. No one was home at the time but me and I was really questioning Him about my life. He answered me very strongly and in an audible voice “Daughter, I am teaching you how to pray as there will be a trial far greater than you have ever experienced before but do not be afraid for it will all come out to my glory.”
(To pray? I realized for the first time what "pray without ceasing" meant. It does not mean on your knees 24/7. It means conversing with God on all things, whether in your car on the way to work or in the shower or cutting the grass. Keep Him informed and involved, just as we are all doing on Facebook!!)
From the moment that I heard it I had shared this with my sister and my friend Tracy Swineford. Over the years when trials would come up Tracy would say "Do you think this is it? The trial?" and I would always say No. But today, I knew, this was it!! I shared this word of encouragement with Debbie (Mom) and we continued to pray and seek Him.
Wednesday
We had friends in prayer around the clock. People across the United States, literally. Church prayer groups, Nurses in the ICU. It was amazing!! Even though the Doctor’s still said critical condition, prognosis poor, we continued to trust in the Lord for healing, body, mind and spirit. I started to understand and learn about trusting in God no matter what and my own relationship with Him reached a new level.
Thursday
Prayer continued. Mom and I grew stronger. We were excited about what God was doing. The ICU nurses were praying and amazed that Randy was still there. They all felt like they too, were watching a miracle.
The Hospitalist met with us late that day. He was not as optimistic and suggested we take a week to make a decision as to whether or not we should remove Randy from life support. He said the machines were only supporting Randy, that there was nothing more they could do.
Mom and I continued to trust God. That night Randy started waking up.
Friday
That morning I arrived at the hospital. Randy was a little scary. His movement was not purposeful and he seemed to be having a tough time with all of the tubes. I suggested we turn on the 700 Club to drown out the noise of the machines. I told mom, “Watch, there will be someone on the 700 Club that will have experienced the same thing as we are and they will give their testimony. This will confirm Randy’s healing to us.” There were only 20 minutes left on the show and guess what? Sure enough, there was a young girl with the same prognosis, and everything just like Randy! We smiled.
Mom and I went to the waiting room to write in our journals when she opened up her meditation for the day it was entitled “It is not over, until it is over!”
On June 3, my 43rd birthday, we all gathered together and spent a rainy afternoon in prayer for Randy, the hospital staff, the patients and each other. Our friendships and relationships grew stronger. God continued to perform miracles and show us His grace. The most amazing thing to me was when our six-year-old son said his prayers on June 10th. He said, “God, this is Matthew. My Daddy is still sick. Can you make me 12 years old so I can see him?” Matthew knew you had to be 12 to go into the ICU. That Friday, Randy woke up. On Saturday, Randy sat up in a chair for the first time and Matthew was allowed in to see him. God had answered his prayer and he knew it!
Randy continued to miraculously improve daily. On July 7, 2007, Randy came home and on July 8, 2007 we went to church again as a family.
Part 3 Randy
I didn’t have the bright light experience but I did experience very odd things I have yet to make sense of. Then I woke up to the point that I was aware of my surroundings. And my very first thought was that I wanted to go to church. I didn’t know what I had been through from a medical standpoint like treatments or medications, but I knew to the depths of my soul that God was the reason I was alive.
I had literally killed myself yet God had stepped in and said, “I don’t think so”. Having never met my real father it was at this time that I realized I always had a father; I was just looking for the wrong one. My Father isn’t done with me yet and He definitely has a purpose for me that has yet to be revealed. I felt the love of God like I never had before. I truly felt born again. And I felt free and relaxed and cleansed. It was a new beginning and I was a new person.
From a medical standpoint I had total healing. No heart or kidney damage, no dialysis, no neurological damage, nothing.
Then the depth of the miracle continued. For not only had God restored my life but He renewed my Spirit and healed my relationship with my wife and family. We all were blessed with a fresh start. He has allowed me to face and deal with my past. He reminded me that I have a beautiful wife and three beautiful children that love me more than I ever thought possible. And He left me free from guilt and shame. Although I regret the pain I put my family through I thank God for where He has brought me today, and I thank Him every day for it. That is the most amazing thing to come out of all of this; I now have a relationship with God like never before.
Finally, if you don’t believe in the power of prayer and what God can do in your life and you don’t believe He can perform miracles I am living proof that He can and He does.
Conclusion:
There are still so many details, but you get the picture! Our lives have not been perfect since this experience and we never expected them to be. We are still learning and growing daily. Randy and I did divorce in September 2010 only to have God once again step in recently and shower us both with Grace and Healing. He has restored both of our biological families within two weeks of each other! We still have a long way to go as individuals, as parents and as partners but we will continue the walk and continue to TRUST HIM no matter what...'cause its not over, until its over! Be blessed!
Part 1 Randy
On the evening of May 26th of this year (2007) I had lost my way. It took 40 years to get to that point but I was at my lowest. I was doubting my worth to my family and friends and really felt they all would be better off without me. What brought me to that point was a lifetime of unresolved issues that had never been dealt with. There was sexual and emotional abuse, abandonment issues and from my earliest memories of childhood I realized that I was different from all the other kids I knew. It wasn’t until late last year that I was found to have Aspberger’s Syndrome. That explained a lot about my behavior but it hit me harder than I expected.
There were a lot of details over the past years that led me to the point I reached on May 26th. Some of them no one should ever have to experience. So I had decided to end my life on that day.
I did not grow up in church and it wasn’t until I met my wife 8 years ago that I really found the Lord, but on May 26th I forgot all about Him. That was until I was ready to take my life. That evening I kissed my wife and kids goodnight then went upstairs and asked God to forgive me for what I was about to do. I then ingested enough ant-freeze to kill myself. On May 27th I had died - twice.
Part 2 Robin
It was Sunday morning, May 27, 2007, about 10 AM. My husband had been violently ill during the night. The last time we spoke was around 3 AM. He said he thought he had the flu. I was fixing breakfast for our children. Our six-year-old son was on the computer. Our three-year-old daughter came from upstairs. She came into the kitchen with concern in her voice. Daddy was sick. I asked her where he was when I heard a thud come from upstairs. Running up the stairs, calling his name as I went, I came to an abrupt halt at our son’s bedroom door. My husband lay sprawled on the floor. He was trying to get up but his body was not cooperating. I kept calling his name as I tried to help him. The look in his eyes told me all I needed to know. Pupils, fixed and dilated, unable to speak, only groan, I knew it was bad. I called 911. It seemed like an eternity. The paramedics arrived. I heard “possible stroke.” I thought to myself, “okay, stroke I can deal with.” I work in a skilled nursing facility and stroke patients were familiar to me. They rushed Randy into an ambulance and sped to Johnston-Willis Hospital. I started calling family and friends to see if someone could watch the children. Everyone was in church, which is where we would have been that Sunday morning. I finally found some close friends who came immediately to pick up the children. I called my mother in law in San Antonio, Texas. “Mom, Randy is on his way to the hospital, they think it might be a stroke.” I told her I would call her from the hospital when I knew more. Still in a state of shock, I headed to Johnston-Willis and I prayed.
Upon my arrival at the hospital, I was escorted into the E.R. by a very kind and understanding nurse. The paramedics were finishing up and standing near Randy’s E.R. room. I could tell by the look on their faces that all was not well. Randy’s room looked like it had been ransacked. Unfamiliar equipment and “tools” were everywhere. The E.R. doctor introduced himself and asked me if Randy drank alcohol. “No” was my reply. He did not drink at all to my knowledge. About this time they were returning Randy from having a CAT scan. I did not recognize this man as my husband. He was pale and lifeless with I.V.’s and tubes and even worse, he was on a ventilator. I knew that being on a ventilator was an indication that he was in critical condition. The E.R. doctor then advised me that Randy had “died” on his way into the hospital and that they had resuscitated him, but it did not look good. I called my mother in law in Texas and I told her “you need to come. I don’t think that the doctor’s think he is going to make it. He is on a ventilator” She was on a plane from San Antonio within the hour. I called our son, Bryan, in Virginia Beach and asked him to come as well. He and his girlfriend Amber packed a few things and headed to Richmond.
Between my phone calls to family members and friends, the nurses and doctors continued to work on Randy, doing every test imaginable. They were kind and comforting, keeping me posted on every move. The E.R. doctor had sent off blood work to MCV earlier in the day and expected the results by 3:00 pm. At exactly 3:02 the activity picked up and machines were rolling into his room. Medical staff surrounded him. Tubes and lines were being placed in his neck. The doctor noticed me standing there and walked over to me. “I am so sorry Mrs. Davis, it is as we suspected. Your husband has tested positive for ethylene glycol poisoning.” “What” I thought. What is that? I do not understand. He explained that Randy had ingested a very large dose of ethylene glycol and that more than likely he would not survive. I went into the room with Randy. I heard that small inner voice say go over and pray in his ear. I listened and I prayed. Then, I cried.
My son and Amber arrived first. The news devastated him. Minutes later his long time friend, Kenny arrived. By now the Nephrologist (Kidney Doctor) was on the scene and not very hopeful. He also was kind but guarded about Randy’s condition. “If he survives, he will probably be on dialysis the rest of his life but his prognosis is not good and his condition, critical.” Randy had been moved to the Atrium ICU. Bryan, Amber, Kenny and I waited.
My son was finally allowed to go see his Dad. I warned him about how Randy would look but you can never really be prepared for something like that. I have never seen Bryan so devastated. It broke my heart to see him in such pain. His emotions were overwhelming. He sobbed, hit the wall and then bent over his Dad and really fussed at him! Randy jumped, the ventilator made a sound I will never forget, and Bryan and I left the room.
Mom arrived next, late in the evening. She had landed in Baltimore Maryland, arriving from San Antonio, and drove the rest of the way. I warned her about Randy’s appearance as well. She made it to the doorway of his room and covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh” was all she could say. Tears rolled silently down her cheeks. My heart broke again.
That night we all slept in the waiting room. Bryan, Amber, Kenny, Mom and me. We talked, we prayed, we consoled each other, we cried. We tried to understand…
Monday-Memorial Day
Randy made it through the night. He was in a coma, on life support and hemodialysis. Mom and I ran home to freshen up, feed the cats and make some calls. I e-mailed Tammy Burns (from Woolridge Church) and let her know what was going on. (The day before the E.R. nurse suggested we call our Pastor. I couldn’t remember the name of our church or even where it was!) Within no time Tammy called. She was so terrific. She offered support and asked if I would like a Stephens Minister. I told her yes, absolutely. Within minutes after my conversation with Tammy, John Williams was calling and getting things in order. Mom and I arrived at Johnston-Willis. She went in to see Randy. I went to the waiting room. Not long after I arrived, Pastor Greg walked into the Atrium waiting room. Kathy, his wife, was in the ICU with mom. Wow, I could not have been more comforted. Pastor Greg and Kathy, Tammy Burns, John Williams, Lynn Marx (my Stephens Minister) and many people I do not even know offered support and prayer that day that has never stopped.
Later that day Bryan and I went to see Randy in the ICU. Iwas so proud of my son as he leaned over his Dad and whispered in his ear "I forgive you Dad." We had talked about this earlier and we knew that we had to forgive him and that if nothing else, Randy knew this. We believed he could hear us...
Tuesday
My father in-law had arrived late Monday. We all took turns going in to see Randy. We all continued to pray and seek God. We found out that day that Randy had suffered a major heart attack.
There was no understanding of why this had happened, but this was about to change. As I sat in the waiting room of the Atrium I heard “Do notbe afraid” in my spirit. It was so loud that I looked around to see if anyone else heard it. It was then that I realized that God had shared with me about four years ago that something was coming. I had been having an intense conversation with Him as I was painting my sisters house. I was asking him about the trivial trials of life that I was experiencing. No one was home at the time but me and I was really questioning Him about my life. He answered me very strongly and in an audible voice “Daughter, I am teaching you how to pray as there will be a trial far greater than you have ever experienced before but do not be afraid for it will all come out to my glory.”
(To pray? I realized for the first time what "pray without ceasing" meant. It does not mean on your knees 24/7. It means conversing with God on all things, whether in your car on the way to work or in the shower or cutting the grass. Keep Him informed and involved, just as we are all doing on Facebook!!)
From the moment that I heard it I had shared this with my sister and my friend Tracy Swineford. Over the years when trials would come up Tracy would say "Do you think this is it? The trial?" and I would always say No. But today, I knew, this was it!! I shared this word of encouragement with Debbie (Mom) and we continued to pray and seek Him.
Wednesday
We had friends in prayer around the clock. People across the United States, literally. Church prayer groups, Nurses in the ICU. It was amazing!! Even though the Doctor’s still said critical condition, prognosis poor, we continued to trust in the Lord for healing, body, mind and spirit. I started to understand and learn about trusting in God no matter what and my own relationship with Him reached a new level.
Thursday
Prayer continued. Mom and I grew stronger. We were excited about what God was doing. The ICU nurses were praying and amazed that Randy was still there. They all felt like they too, were watching a miracle.
The Hospitalist met with us late that day. He was not as optimistic and suggested we take a week to make a decision as to whether or not we should remove Randy from life support. He said the machines were only supporting Randy, that there was nothing more they could do.
Mom and I continued to trust God. That night Randy started waking up.
Friday
That morning I arrived at the hospital. Randy was a little scary. His movement was not purposeful and he seemed to be having a tough time with all of the tubes. I suggested we turn on the 700 Club to drown out the noise of the machines. I told mom, “Watch, there will be someone on the 700 Club that will have experienced the same thing as we are and they will give their testimony. This will confirm Randy’s healing to us.” There were only 20 minutes left on the show and guess what? Sure enough, there was a young girl with the same prognosis, and everything just like Randy! We smiled.
Mom and I went to the waiting room to write in our journals when she opened up her meditation for the day it was entitled “It is not over, until it is over!”
On June 3, my 43rd birthday, we all gathered together and spent a rainy afternoon in prayer for Randy, the hospital staff, the patients and each other. Our friendships and relationships grew stronger. God continued to perform miracles and show us His grace. The most amazing thing to me was when our six-year-old son said his prayers on June 10th. He said, “God, this is Matthew. My Daddy is still sick. Can you make me 12 years old so I can see him?” Matthew knew you had to be 12 to go into the ICU. That Friday, Randy woke up. On Saturday, Randy sat up in a chair for the first time and Matthew was allowed in to see him. God had answered his prayer and he knew it!
Randy continued to miraculously improve daily. On July 7, 2007, Randy came home and on July 8, 2007 we went to church again as a family.
Part 3 RandyI didn’t have the bright light experience but I did experience very odd things I have yet to make sense of. Then I woke up to the point that I was aware of my surroundings. And my very first thought was that I wanted to go to church. I didn’t know what I had been through from a medical standpoint like treatments or medications, but I knew to the depths of my soul that God was the reason I was alive.
I had literally killed myself yet God had stepped in and said, “I don’t think so”. Having never met my real father it was at this time that I realized I always had a father; I was just looking for the wrong one. My Father isn’t done with me yet and He definitely has a purpose for me that has yet to be revealed. I felt the love of God like I never had before. I truly felt born again. And I felt free and relaxed and cleansed. It was a new beginning and I was a new person.
From a medical standpoint I had total healing. No heart or kidney damage, no dialysis, no neurological damage, nothing.
Then the depth of the miracle continued. For not only had God restored my life but He renewed my Spirit and healed my relationship with my wife and family. We all were blessed with a fresh start. He has allowed me to face and deal with my past. He reminded me that I have a beautiful wife and three beautiful children that love me more than I ever thought possible. And He left me free from guilt and shame. Although I regret the pain I put my family through I thank God for where He has brought me today, and I thank Him every day for it. That is the most amazing thing to come out of all of this; I now have a relationship with God like never before.
Finally, if you don’t believe in the power of prayer and what God can do in your life and you don’t believe He can perform miracles I am living proof that He can and He does.
Conclusion:
There are still so many details, but you get the picture! Our lives have not been perfect since this experience and we never expected them to be. We are still learning and growing daily. Randy and I did divorce in September 2010 only to have God once again step in recently and shower us both with Grace and Healing. He has restored both of our biological families within two weeks of each other! We still have a long way to go as individuals, as parents and as partners but we will continue the walk and continue to TRUST HIM no matter what...'cause its not over, until its over! Be blessed!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Letters to God~ Finding Time
Dear God,
I don't really know where to begin this letter. I talk to you quite a bit throughout the day anyway or do I? I thought I did but in reflecting on my day today I realize that you barely even got a "good morning" from me much less any inclusion into the events of my day. Everyday, including the weekends, seem to start off harried. It doesn't even matter how early I get up, as I am seldom, if ever, on time. My mornings consist of feeding kids, cats and a dog, trying to match socks, find homework, check the weather and trying very hard to stay on task. As you know, I am easily distracted by a hair ball in the hallway or the toaster that was left out from morning breakfast. I keep finding myself distracted by everything. The only thing I am not distracted by is preparing for my day. My son has absolutely no interest in school. As a child with Autism school is extremely difficult for him and he shares this with me in his morning greeting. "Good Morning Matthew!" I say. "I hate school" he groans. Deep breathe on my part, moving on to my daughter. Fortunately for me she has a better outlook on school but still wants Mommy's help with what to eat, what to wear and everything in between. Do you find us comical in the mornings Lord as we stumble on top of each other racing to the bus stop? I am sure when you greet me in the mornings I am barely aware. I take notice of little except the ticking clock.
The duties of my day job, juggling doctor's appoinments for my son, housecleaning, homework, dinner, grocery shopping, taking out the trash, feeding the cats and a dog again, working on the non profit I just started, trying to get the kids in bed at a decent time only to fall into bed exhausted myself, it is a never ending cycle. As I take two seconds to look at my schedule I notice that I have not dedicated time for us. Actually, I am amazed I find any time with you at all. A quick prayer under my breathe does not constitute a full fledged relationship. As a matter of fact, I had no idea that from a relationship perspective, ours would be labeled "its complicated" on Facebook!
As our world is right now, everything moves at such a fast pace. From fast food to instant everything, life is hurry, hurry, hurry. A relationship can be fast but those types are usually quite shallow, only on the surface. It takes time to get to know someone. I realize that you know me better than anyone. You knew me before I was born and you have been with me every step of my life. It is my yearning to know you that brings me to this first letter. I want to know who you are. I want to know your character, what makes you smile. I want to sit at your feet as Mary did and listen to your heart. I want a Mary heart in a Martha world. Time to take this relationship to the next level. Time to commit to spending time together. I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination, however I will make our date for before sunrise. I believe it is the only time I can get right now to call ours. I will ask you though, if you would, prepare the way for me to have some quiet time? Help me to alleviate the unneccessary clutter from life so that I not only can spend quality time with you but also with my children. Help me to say no when neccessary and to use the time I am given each day wisely. Help me to stay focused and on task and help me to know you.
I may be a little slow in the morning but I will be there...
Love,
Your Daughter
Robin
I don't really know where to begin this letter. I talk to you quite a bit throughout the day anyway or do I? I thought I did but in reflecting on my day today I realize that you barely even got a "good morning" from me much less any inclusion into the events of my day. Everyday, including the weekends, seem to start off harried. It doesn't even matter how early I get up, as I am seldom, if ever, on time. My mornings consist of feeding kids, cats and a dog, trying to match socks, find homework, check the weather and trying very hard to stay on task. As you know, I am easily distracted by a hair ball in the hallway or the toaster that was left out from morning breakfast. I keep finding myself distracted by everything. The only thing I am not distracted by is preparing for my day. My son has absolutely no interest in school. As a child with Autism school is extremely difficult for him and he shares this with me in his morning greeting. "Good Morning Matthew!" I say. "I hate school" he groans. Deep breathe on my part, moving on to my daughter. Fortunately for me she has a better outlook on school but still wants Mommy's help with what to eat, what to wear and everything in between. Do you find us comical in the mornings Lord as we stumble on top of each other racing to the bus stop? I am sure when you greet me in the mornings I am barely aware. I take notice of little except the ticking clock.
The duties of my day job, juggling doctor's appoinments for my son, housecleaning, homework, dinner, grocery shopping, taking out the trash, feeding the cats and a dog again, working on the non profit I just started, trying to get the kids in bed at a decent time only to fall into bed exhausted myself, it is a never ending cycle. As I take two seconds to look at my schedule I notice that I have not dedicated time for us. Actually, I am amazed I find any time with you at all. A quick prayer under my breathe does not constitute a full fledged relationship. As a matter of fact, I had no idea that from a relationship perspective, ours would be labeled "its complicated" on Facebook!
As our world is right now, everything moves at such a fast pace. From fast food to instant everything, life is hurry, hurry, hurry. A relationship can be fast but those types are usually quite shallow, only on the surface. It takes time to get to know someone. I realize that you know me better than anyone. You knew me before I was born and you have been with me every step of my life. It is my yearning to know you that brings me to this first letter. I want to know who you are. I want to know your character, what makes you smile. I want to sit at your feet as Mary did and listen to your heart. I want a Mary heart in a Martha world. Time to take this relationship to the next level. Time to commit to spending time together. I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination, however I will make our date for before sunrise. I believe it is the only time I can get right now to call ours. I will ask you though, if you would, prepare the way for me to have some quiet time? Help me to alleviate the unneccessary clutter from life so that I not only can spend quality time with you but also with my children. Help me to say no when neccessary and to use the time I am given each day wisely. Help me to stay focused and on task and help me to know you.
 |
| "If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so that I may know you" Exodus 33:13 |
I may be a little slow in the morning but I will be there...
Love,
Your Daughter
Robin
Thursday, February 16, 2012
God's Gift
Hello God? You there? Yep, me again. Do you have a minute? I recall somewhere in the Bible, Matthew 11:28-30 I believe, where you made a statement that says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Well, here I am, wiped out, emotionally exhausted, totally at a loss and trying very hard to unload all of my frustration onto you. I am definately weary and I am holding you to your word. Are you ready?
Does this have to do with my son? Yes God, this has to do with my son. I know, we discuss him a lot. Yes, I know he is unique and beautiful and amazing. Have you noticed how he pays such close attention to detail? He sees the beauty in life that I almost always miss. If it wasn't for him pointing out the fine hairs on the caterpillar or the brilliant yellow under the wings of a bird or the intricate details in the architecture of our church I would have missed it all completely. He can be so quiet sometimes that I don't even know he is there, but he is always thinking and creating. Yes, I know he was made in your image...wow, I did not know you had AUTISM God! This is the first time you mentioned it. I can certainly see some similarities.
So, this is how I'm feeling. I love my son with all of my heart and it is my heart that breaks for him a little more each day. I don't know if I can bare it. He is 11 years old now and his life has not been easy. He was diagnosed at age four with PDD NOS, age five with Autism and age 6 with Asperger's Syndrome. When he was younger he seemed happy, quiet, and at times, distant, but happy. He has always had sensory integration issues. Certain noises like the dryer buzzer or the sound of the vacumn cleaner cause him great pain. He was not and still isn't very coordinated so playing sports was not something he really wanted to do, but yet when he took swimming lessons last summer he mastered the breast stroke within minutes after learning it. His coach was so amazed by him. Did you know he can calendar count? Give him any date in the past, present or future and he can tell you what day it was, is or shall be. Even though I know he is really smart, he does not think so. His grades in school are poor, he has no friends and communication is so hard for him. He asked recently if "he would always be this way?" (very insightful if you ask me). He told me one day that he just can't find the words. He sees everything in pictures. He can't process conversations or things that he reads. Kids make fun of him, teachers are frustrated with him, people in public make rude comments about him. Being in public can be hard for him, the sounds, smells, sights can be overwhelming and he becomes loud and sometimes angry. People look at us and whisper. He does not understand what he is doing to offend others and many times he isn't doing anything wrong, he just responds to some things differently than most. When he cries Lord, his tears flow like a river. His cries are deep from way down in his soul. I hear him crying in his room at night. His best friend is his cat. He tells her how lonely he is. I don't know what to do any more God. Time is soaring past us and today I feel my hope dwindling yet again.
I don't understand why this has happened in our lives. I don't know what my purpose is for this situation. The pain of watching my own beautiful son struggle becomes unbearable at times. I am living my life on the verge of tears. I constantly ask myself if I am doing everything possible to help my son. What am I missing? I don't think I am handling things very well. I can not fix what is broken. He is so amazing and funny and creative and beautiful and .... Can you understand how hard it is to be ridiculed, misunderstood, whispered about? Of couse you can. You felt all of the pain I feel as a Father for his son.
Hmmm? What's that? Who chose his name? Well, I did. I never thought I would have any more children. I had prayed for another son, remember? Matthew is the name that came to me and it was the only name I would consider. The meaning of his name? Yes, I know, it means.....Gift from God.
"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning" (James 1:17).
I understand God, I get it. Just as you gifted the world with your beautiful and perfect son, you have also gifted me with my own. I would not have him be any other way. Thanks for spending time with me and listening to my heart. It feels much lighter now. Oh and God, thank you for my gift, my inspiring, amazing son, my Matthew.
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